The story is told of a bricklayer who had tried to move about 500 pounds of bricks from the top of a four story building to the sidewalk below. The problem was, he tried to do it alone. In his own words (taken from his insurance claim form):

It would have taken too long to carry bricks down by hand, so I decided to put them in a barrel and lower them by a pulley which I had fastened to the top of the building. After tying the rope securely at the ground level, I then went up to the top of the building. I fastened the rope around the barrel, loaded it with the bricks and swung it out over the sidewalk for the descent. Then I went down to the sidewalk and untied the rope, holding it securely to guide the barrel down slowly. But, since I weigh only 140 pounds, the five hundred pound load jerked me from the ground so fast that I didn’t have time to think of letting go of the rope. As I passed between the second and third floors, I met the barrel coming down. This accounts for the bruises and lacerations on my upper body.

I held tightly to the rope until I reached the top, where my hand became jammed in the pulley. This accounts for my broken thumb. At the same time, however, the barrel hit the sidewalk with a bang and the bottom fell out. With the weight of the bricks gone, the barrel weighed only about 40 pounds. Thus my hundred-forty pound body began a swift descent and I met the empty barrel coming up. This accounts for my broken ankle. Slowed only slightly, I continued the descent and landed on the pile of bricks. This accounts for my sprained back and broken collar bone.

At this point, I lost my presence of mind completely and let go of the rope and the empty barrel came crashing down on me. This accounts for my head injuries.

As far the last question on the form, “What would you do if the same situation arose again?”… please be advised that I am finished trying to do the job alone.

“Don’t you hate when people talk loudly on their phones in public?” asks professional prankster Greg Benson.

Benson, of MediocreFilms, believes he’s come up with the perfect way to get people to stop having loud private conversations on their cellphones when they’re out in public. He calls his technique “cellphone crashing,” and it’s exactly what it sounds like.

In his latest candid camera video (shot by his wife), Benson situates himself next to chatty cellphone users at the airport, and proceeds to pretend he and the person next to him are having identical conversations. Simple yet diabolical yet harmless yet effective. The best kind of trolling.

Announcing the revolutionary scientific breakthrough – the Turbo Encabulator:

I know it is hard to believe, but some people just could not understand everything communicated in the first video, so some time later, this second video was made so that all could be made clear:

Mary had a little lamb, his feet were black as soot, and everywhere the lamby went, his sooty foot he put.

There was a young man called Fernando, who ate a big plate full of lego, his body went numb and he looked kind of glum, and realised that rhyming just wasn’t his thing.

There was a young lady from York, who fell in a drum with a cork, the policeman who found her was just about to ground her, when she banged out the theme from Star Wars (she had rhyming issues too).

There was a young lady from Swanich, who swallowed a piano from Dulwich – she has serious problems!

There was an old man from Skye, who had an aversion to Pie, he sat on his bed wearing trousers that were red, and then went downstairs and made himself a cup of tea, a ham sandwich with lettuce, with a sprinkle of pepper.

There was a young rodent named Stu, who was highly addicted to glue, he fell to his knees every time that he sneezed, and thankfully, that was the only side effect.

the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.The punter made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race.

He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next. He bet big on it, and it won. As the races continued the Priest kept blessing long shots, and each one ended up winning.

The punter was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest’s blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day.

This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. The punter knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.

He watched dumbfounded as the old nag came in last. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was. Confronting Him, he demanded, “Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a mile. Now, thanks to you I’ve lost every cent of my savings!”

The Priest nodded wisely and said…

“My Son, that’s the problem with you Protestants, you can’t tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites!”

JESUS NEVER SAID:

“Verily, verily, I saith unto thee… oh, and Bartholomew, dippeth thy quill into red paint before thou writest now so that My words mightest standeth out on the page, so all may see they art more inspired than other parts of the Bible…”

“ALL Scripture is God breathed…” (2 Timothy 3:16), not just the red letter parts.

Holmes and Watson went on a camping trip. After an excessive amount of liquid refreshment they were sound asleep, but woke up in the middle of the night.

Holmes turns to Watson and says, “Watson, look up, what do you see?”

Watson says, “I see stars and stars and more stars.”

Holmes says, “What does that tell you Watson?”

“Well Holmes, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially, billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is not Leo.

Horologically, it tells me that its about a quarter to three in the morning.

Meterologically, it tells me that tomorrow will probably be a beautiful day.

Theologically, it tells me that there’s a vast universe and we are just a tiny part of the whole.

“Why Holmes, what does it tell you?”

Holmes says, “Watson, you idiot! Somebody has stolen our tent!”

THE LESSON: You can be very profound in an answer and miss the larger point.