Article: Why You Will Join the Wrong Church by Sam Emadi (original source here)

Samuel Emadi is a member of Third Avenue Baptist Church in Louisville, Kentucky and a PhD candidate in biblical studies at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He also serves as the director of theological research for the president of the Southern Seminary.

The most read New York Times article from 2016 had nothing to do with politics, culture wars, or comic book movies. Instead, the most-read article of 2016 was all about commitment.

The piece, titled “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person,” was written by Alain de Botton. In it, de Botton takes shots at our culture’s idea that the ultimate foundation for commitment in marriage is romantic affection, that feeling of compatibility that means the other person will finally fulfill my needs and make me truly happy.

We all know this is misguided, so much so that de Botton predicts every married person will eventually find inadequacies so severe in their spouse that it will prompt them to ask, “Did I marry the wrong person?” He humorously notes, the relational arc of a marriage leans away from idealistic romantic sizzle as “maddening children . . . kill the passion from which they emerged.”

CHURCH AND OUR CULTURE

As I read de Botton’s article, I couldn’t help but see how much of our culture’s view of love and commitment mirrors how many Christians view church membership. Many Christians’ broken relationships with their churches resemble patterns of the divorce culture and its attendant assumptions about authority, love, and compatibility.

Almost every Christian knows what it’s like to question whether they joined the “right church.” After an initial “honeymoon stage,” we begin to see our church’s problems with greater clarity than we see its strengths. The sermons start to seem too intellectual, or not intellectual enough. The church begins budgeting for ministries that don’t seem deserving of the dollar figure on the spreadsheet. The small groups don’t meet our needs in the ways we’d hoped.

More personally, the needs of other church members begin to encroach increasingly on our own personal freedoms. Some members sin against us—even without knowing just how deeply we’ve been wounded. Without even realizing it’s happening, we begin to wonder whether our local assembly is the “right” place for us. Of course, we remind ourselves that there’s no such thing as a perfect church—something we’ve even told our fellow church members. And yet, we can’t help but grapple with the nagging question: “Did I join the wrong church?”

“DID I JOIN THE WRONG CHURCH?”

The problem with this question is that it assumes church life shouldn’t be hard. It assumes the “honeymoon stage” should continue in perpetuity or that something has gone awry if we experience significant disappointment or hurt from our relationships with other members or the church’s leadership.

But these assumptions reveal a deep and unthinking commitment to consumerism: only if the perks of membership outweigh its inconveniences will we think it’s worth it to stick it out. Regrettably, many Christians seem trapped in a perpetual cycle of this type of cost-benefit analysis.

I’ve found that Christians most often push eject on their membership not because they’re upset at the church’s budget or because they disagree on matters of polity. Instead, Christians leave their churches for the same reason people leave their marriages: a lack of relational depth and affection. In other words, many Christians leave their churches because they just don’t seem compatible with the church or because the relationships leave them feeling a little dry.

Personal relationships, however, were never meant to serve as the foundation for our sense of church commitment. If we pursue relationships as the foundation of our belonging, we’re more likely to be inescapably trapped in the consumerism and “met-needs” mentality at the heart of our divorce culture. However, instead of valuing consumerism, the Bible roots our membership in the idea of a covenant, which offers an infinitely superior alternative.

COVENANT PRECEDES COMMUNITY

Tim Keller notes in his book on marriage that a covenant “creates a particular kind of bond . . . a relationship far more intimate and personal than a merely legal, business relationship. Yet at the same time, it is far more durable, binding, and unconditional than one based on mere feeling and affection. A covenant relationship is a stunning blend of law and love.”

When the Bible speaks about the church, it refers to it as a covenant community. Church members aren’t just part of a shared interest group. They’re covenanted to one another by a sacred promise to oversee one another’s membership in the kingdom and faithfulness to King Jesus (Matt. 18:15–20). The New Testament unfolds the details of that sacred promise: We regularly gather together (Heb. 10:24–25), bear one another’s burdens and sorrows (Gal. 6:2), encourage one another (Heb. 3:12–14), pray for one another (Jas. 5:16), and forgive one another (Col. 3:13). Many churches helpfully formalize these biblical instructions into a church covenant, a set of promises members make to one another when they enter into membership.

These covenant obligations are the foundations of our church commitment and should function as the backbone to church life. Covenant precedes community. We might even say covenant creates community. The covenant promises members make to one another blossom into the life-giving relationships our hearts crave.

Rooting commitment in our covenant promises doesn’t mean that church relationships are nothing but soulless duty. Instead, covenant commitments are the food that nourishes our relationships with other members. The more we hold ourselves to our covenant promises, the more our relationships blossom and endure through seasons of difficulty. Again, as de Botton perceptively notes in his article, “Compatibility is an achievement of love, it must not be its precondition.” The world argues that affection is pre-requisite to commitment. But the biblical picture is actually quite the opposite: commitment and service create affection.

I’m amazed at how this principle works out even in my own life. A few years ago, after a couple in our church had a baby, my wife and I signed up through the church’s member care ministry to bring them a meal. Our act of service, however, wasn’t rooted in a pre-existing relationship with this couple. In fact, we barely knew them. We simply wanted to be faithful to our covenant promises to “bear one another’s burdens.” Yet that service, rooted in our covenant commitment, ultimately blossomed into a sweet friendship between our two families. We weren’t expecting a relationship to bloom, but that’s what happens when you hold yourself to covenant promises, even with people you barely know.

COVENANTS CARRY YOU THROUGH SUFFERING

The reason God roots the most important relationships in the world—like marriage and church membership—in covenants is to ensure they endure through fire. Have you ever noticed how traditional marriage vows were designed to ensure couples prepare to love one another well in the midst of suffering? Couples pledge themselves to one another even in “poverty” and “sickness” until parted by death.

This same expectation of future trials also marks the promises church members make to one another. We pledge to “bear one another’s burdens,” (Gal. 6:2) and patiently bear with and forgive the sins of our brothers and sisters who wrong us (Col. 3:13; Eph. 4:32). If we make our covenant commitments the ground of our life and relationships in the church, we come to expect the rough patches and prepare to face them with godliness.

While our affections for our church and its members can be fickle, easily dissipating as soon as circumstances shift unfavorably, our covenant commitments never fade. As Keller notes, covenants are by their very nature oriented toward the future. They “are not a declaration of present love but a mutually binding promise of future love.” In some sense, the whole point of a covenant is to pledge our love and fidelity for the rough times ahead. Thus, covenants carry us through suffering. Once more, de Botton incisively notes, “Choosing whom to commit ourselves to is merely a case of identifying which particular variety of suffering we would most like to sacrifice ourselves for.”

FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, STICK WITH THE “WRONG” CHURCH

Joining a church, like seeking a spouse, is daunting. Loving others makes us vulnerable and committing ourselves to a church immerses us in the needs of other sinners. Eventually, every congregation will find a way to get under our skin, frustrate us, or even wound us—and we will do the same to them.

Our relationships will ebb and flow, as will our affection for the church. But the solution is not always looking for a better fit. Instead, we renew our passion and reignite our sense of belonging by holding ourselves to our membership covenant—sacred promises that bind even the “wrong” people together.

Dr. John MacArthur

Your Responsibility to the Church, Part 1:

Your Responsibility to the Church, Part 2:

Your Responsibility to the Church, Part 3:

Your Responsibility to the Church, Part 4:

Your Responsibility to the Church, Part 5:

How can I lead my church toward meaningful membership?

(This material has been adapted from Mark Dever’s chapter “Regaining Meaningful Church Membership” in Restoring Integrity in Baptist Churches, ed. Thomas White, and Malcomb B. Yarnell, III, pages 57-60)

Answer
Proclaim the gospel. Preach about God’s holiness, man’s sinfulness, Christ’s substitutionary atonement and resurrection, and our need to repent of our sins and trust in him. And make it clear that those who are not committed to one another in love have no reason to think that they have committed to God in love (1 John 4:20-21).
Use a statement of faith and church covenant. Require members to affirm a statement of faith (what a church believes) and a church covenant (how members will live together).

Require a membership class. Help prospective members know what will be expected of them, and what they can expect from the church. Use this opportunity to teach through the statement of faith and the church covenant, the importance of membership, and the practical nuts and bolts of how your church works.

Require an interview with an elder or pastor. In the interview ask the individual to share the gospel and provide an account of their conversion and their discipleship since then. This also provides an opportunity to get to know new people and ask questions in a comfortable environment.

Stop baptizing children. A young child can certainly become a Christian. But a church can’t necessarily discern whether or not a child has become a Christian. Children should be given the opportunity to mature and have occasion to resist the pull of the world. So don’t create confusion by baptizing those whose professions of faith the church cannot reliably assess.

Require congregational approval of new members. Admission into and exclusion from church membership is an act of the congregation (this is an implication of 2 Cor. 2:6). So lead your church to explicitly affirm every member the church receives in and sees off.
Regularly publish an accurate membership directory. Encourage the members to use this as a prayer list.

Give pastoral oversight to members. Try to make sure that every member is in regular conversation with an elder or a mature Christian in the congregation. Take initiative in getting to know what’s going on in the members’ lives.

Cultivate a culture of discipleship. Encourage younger Christians to become disciples of older, more mature Christians. Encourage more mature Christians to take less mature Christians under their wing. Encourage every member of the church to be in multiple spiritually beneficial relationships.

Limit certain activities and areas of service to members. Churches should consider the possibility of restricting its business meetings, public service, and small groups (except for evangelistic ones) to members only.

Revive the practice of corrective discipline. Once you have established a culture of meaningful membership, begin to lead your congregation to excommunicate those who persist in serious unrepentant sin.

Article by Nick Batzig – original source I started one within the first six months. On average we have had two Inquirer classes a year (here is the audio of several installations–in no distinct order–of one such class). Our elders have determined that attending this class is a prerequisite for membership in our local church. I have taught approximately 10 inquirer’s classes over the years. We have vacillated as to the duration of the class. Depending on the current schedule and needs in our church, we either have a 12 week, 10 week or 8 week class. Additionally, we have held the class on either Sunday mornings or on Wednesday nights. One year, due to scheduling, we held the class on several Saturdays. I have progressively realized the importance of such a class. While there has been some changed regarding course material to accommodate our current situation, the content has largely stayed the same. What has happened over the years is that I have become more and more convinced of the benefits of having an Inquirer/New Member class. Consider the following rationale for such a class:

1. It serves the congregation. While it may not seem like the goal of an Inquirer/New Member Class, making it a prerequisite for local church membership can help protect the church from division by discouraging those who might be discontent or cause schismatic harm to the local church. One of the membership vows that men and women take in PCA churches is that they promise to “study the peace and purity of the church;” another has to do with their willingness to “submit to the government and discipline of the church.” When we work through our doctrinal positions in an Inquirer’s class, we hit on such things as “expectations of church members,” “the doctrines of grace” (i.e. Calvinism) and the basic “tenets of Presbyterianism.” I have typically found that those who are strongly opposed to any or all of these teachings (or who are simply divisively argumentative) often will not finish the Inquirer’s class once they hear them taught. This is sometimes a blessing in disguise to the church–as it may protect the congregation from divisive individuals and forseen schisms.

2. It serves those coming for membership. An Inquirer’s class can also serves as a protection for those who might not be a good fit for a particular local church in its current state. For instance, not everyone is cut out for membership in a church plant. I learned that the hard way in the early years of planting. While we must certainly discourage church hopping–and the idea that there is a perfect church situation–we must recognize that sometimes one local church might be better suited to the needs of an individual or family than another. An Inquirer’s class can help this process along in such a way as to benefit those who may–for any number of legitimate reasons–make the final decision not to go forward in joining a particular local church.

On the other hand, an Inquirer’s class can be an enormous benefit to those coming for membership. It can help them learn the various aspects of biblical and local church membership. When expectations of local church members are clearly articulated, those who might not have thought about the biblical requirements for regular Lord’s Day worship, giving and service may begin to do so for the first time in the life. Furthermore, it can serve as a rich time of instruction in the doctrine of God, the doctrine of Christ, the doctrines of grace, the doctrine of the sacraments, the doctrine of church discipline, etc. An Inquirer’s class can be a great discipleship tool. How many have become convinced of the doctrines of grace by sitting through a careful consideration of them in an Inquirer’s class! We often forget that many who are coming for membership have never been taught these foundational truths.

Additionally, there is a very real sense in which the members of the church are being instructed to hold the leadership accountable to sound teaching. If an elder decides to teach something that is out of accord with Scripture or our doctrinal standards, members (together with elders) become part of the checks and balances appointed by God. The members of the local church are responsible to test what the minsters teach in the church against the doctrinal standards that they learn about in the Inquirer’s class.

3. It serves the leadership. One of the benefits of an Inquirer’s class is that it gives the leadership the opportunity to better get to know the ecclesiastical backgrounds of the men and women coming for membership. Even if I have had individuals or families into my home, when they come for an Inquirer’s class, they almost always share things that they have been taught by other ministers in other churches. Pastors can better assess where people are spiritually by what they share in an Inquirer’s class. The same is true with regard to the gifts of those coming for membership. I have on many occassions been informed by one of the people in the Inquirer’s class about their own gifts in music, service, etc.–as well as of the gifts of their spouses and children. For some reason, people are more apt to share that sort of information in that setting.

The other way in which an Inquirer’s class can benefit the leadership of the church is that the pastors/elders get the chance to clearly communicate expectations regarding worship attendance, giving, service and submission to discipline. This becomes exceedingly useful when an individual or family in the church begins to become delinquent in any of those areas. I have, on quite a number of occassions, had to remind those we sought to shepherd about what they were taught in these classes and about the vows that they willingly took after the class was through.

Mark Dever – From the 2014 SEBTS 9Marks Conference:

9Marks at Southeastern 2014 – Membership: Session 2 from Southeastern Seminary on Vimeo.

Speakers gather together to discuss topics explored in Mark Dever’s message:

9Marks at Southeastern 2014 – Membership: Session 2 Panel from Southeastern Seminary on Vimeo.

Hour 1: Returning to guest host on this Dividing Line broadcast I was able to walk through numerous New Testament texts which only make sense in the light of formal Church membership.

Hour 2: Having previously established that formal Church Membership is a biblical mandate and requirement, I then discussed what it entails as God’s intended blessing for disciples of Christ.

Hour 3: The Guardrail of the Creeds: While never rising to the same authority as sacred Scripture (which alone is the word of God), the ancient creeds and confessions of the Church have served the people of God through the ages as concise and precise summaries of what the Bible teaches on very vital matters. These include, amongst others, the doctrine of God, the person and work of Christ, how a man is justified in God’s sight as well as the doctrine of last things (eschatology). On this Dividing Line, I taught on the practical value of the ancient Creeds and Confessions of the Church.