The original source for this article is found here)
Rebecca VanDoodewaard is the author of Uprooted: A Guide for Homesick Christians and Your Future ‘Other Half’: It Matters Whom You Marry. She is married to William VanDoodewaard, Professor of Church History at Puritan Theological Seminary. They have four children.
She writes:
God hates divorce, doesn’t He? Absolutely. Isn’t the gospel about forgiveness and love? Yes, it is. And pastors and elders can use these two truths in isolation from the rest of Scripture and biblical principles to deny people divorce for biblical grounds. “But marriage is a precious thing,” one pastor told a woman whose husband was in prison for pedophilia. “It would be a wonderful picture of God’s grace to move on from this and focus on your marriage,” another one told the husband of an adulteress. “We’re working with him; he’s really struggling, and so you need to forgive him,” a session tells a woman whose husband has been using pornography for years.
Evangelical and confessional churches are striving to maintain a high view of marriage in a culture that is ripping the institution to shreds. So extra-biblical barriers to divorce can be well-meant. They try to protect marriage by doing everything possible to avoid divorce. In doing so, they not only fail to keep a high view of marriage. They also spread lies about the gospel, divorce, the value of people, the character of God, and the nature of sexual sin.
The first lie is that forgiveness means that the offended party is bound to continue living with the guilty party once there’s an apology. Wives in particular are told that God requires that they forgive a repentant spouse, which is true, and that this means that they need to stay in the marriage, which is not true. It’s like saying to parents who discover that the babysitter molested their children: “Oh, but the sitter said sorry. It would be unloving to not ask them to watch the kids again. You need to demonstrate your forgiveness.” The argument is that Jesus forgave you and took you in: why can’t you do the same for a spouse? Because I am not God: I am human, too, and can’t atone for my spouse’s sin in a way that can restore an earthly marriage.
Sacrificing a person to save a relationship is not the gospel. The gospel is that Someone was sacrificed to free us from sin and bring us to God. We cannot always bear the relational punishment for someone else’s sin. We can forgive them, and will if we are a Christian, but that doesn’t mean we have to live with them. You can forgive someone and divorce them. Scripture commands forgiveness where there is repentance, but it never requires that a relationship be continued in the way that it was before covenant was shattered. This lie of “forgiveness” places the burden on the innocent party. The sinner gets counsel, support, help, and prayer, while the sinned-against gets pressure, guilt, and a crushing future. Acceptance is often labelled the “Christian” thing to do. Since Christ gave divorce as an option in some circumstances, divorce can be the Christian thing to do, too. Forgiveness is always the Christian thing to do, and it simply means that the guilty party is forgiven, not absolved from all earthly consequences.
The second lie is implied: God hates divorce more than He hates abuse and sexual sin. To put the lie a different way, God loves marriage more than He loves the women in it. While God created marriage, loves marriage, and says that it is a picture of Christ’s relationship with the church, Jesus didn’t die to save marriage. He died to save people. He sacrificed His life to protect His sons and daughters, and hates when they are abused, violated, and humiliated, particularly in a relationship that is supposed to picture Christ and the church. Continue reading
by Jordan Standridge (original source here)
By the time the average human being reaches the age of 20, he will have watched one million commercials. 1,000,000. Think about that. Most people will watch almost four million commercials in their lifetime, and that’s only talking about regular cable television. Four million times you are being told that you need things. You are being told how to use your money. You are being told what will bring you happiness. Every one of us is willing to subject ourselves to this and very seldom do we question the motives of the advertisers despite the fact that they don’t have our best interest at heart, they simply want to make money.
In the church, it is the opposite. People complain all the time about churches being “money-hungry” or “greedy.” Many people leave churches if they feel that the pastor talks about giving too much. But Paul never shied away from talking about it. Not only did he talk about it, he asked for it and thanked people for their gifts. But, at the end of Philippians, we see something incredible. Paul believes that the Philippians will benefit from giving to him. Not because he is anything special, but because he believes that giving towards the progression of the Gospel will bring great blessings to the life of a believer.
You and I are called to give. In the New Testament, there isn’t a specific amount or percentage that we should give, but we are to give sacrificially and with great joy. Each person is called to give in secret and each person is accountable to God for every single dime that they spend during their lifetime. And while it is too easy for so many pastors to give rules and to tell people what they can and can’t buy, Paul uses a different approach. In Philippians 4:14-19 he tries to persuade people to give by telling them how much they will be blessed. He doesn’t tell you not to buy the extra house or to not go on that vacation, but he does try to encourage you to be willing to sacrifice your rights because of the great blessings you will receive. So, here are four incredible blessings of giving.
1) It progresses the Gospel
“…no church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving but you alone…” Phil 4:15
Paul says something incredible here. Because the church in Philippi gave, they became partners with him. They partook in Gospel ministry with Paul. The idea of sharing here brings Paul and the Philippians together in this work. Every missionary needs a sender and the Philippian church longed to hear of how their money was advancing the Gospel.
I remember coming on furlough with my parents to the United States. One church, in particular, announced my father as missionary number 276 on a Sunday morning. While I’m sure the $20 he received from the church was helpful and he was grateful for it, there was a sense in which they weren’t close partners in crime for the Gospel in Italy. The Philippians here gave sacrificially to Paul, they loved him and desperately wanted to hear from him, but most of all they wanted to hear about how the Lord was using him.
It is imperative that you give most if not all of your money to organizations whose main goal is the progress of the Gospel. That’s why I recommend giving most of your money to your local church. As long as that church is biblically sound, then their desire will be to advance the Gospel. In faithful churches, elders have been chosen who qualify, and who can be trustworthy with the church’s money. Regardless, giving to churches or Gospel ministries and actually praying and being an active sender will allow you to be an active participant in the work of the Gospel.
2) It brings great profit
“I seek for the profit which increases to your account.” Phil 4:17
This is the heart of a true pastor. One that isn’t greedy or a lover of money. This is someone who desperately wants the people he loves to be eternally minded and to buy treasure in Heaven. Paul is content. He’s already said that in Philippians 4:11. With much or with little he has learned the secret of contentment. This lesson he learned has freed his conscience to be able to talk about such a taboo subject like money. He is able to shepherd his churches and tell them to give without having wrong motivations. Pastors ought to follow his example here. They are to call their people to give, not because of how that might benefit their ministry or bank account, but because of the fact that giving—to gospel ministries—increases their people’s eternal bank account. Continue reading