Why did the Chicken Cross the Road? (Theologians Answer)

chicken-crossing-the-road1by Mark Hilditch

Why Did the Theological Chicken Cross the Road?

Pelagius: Because the chicken was able to.

Irenaeus: The glory of God is the chicken fully alive.

John Wesley: The chicken’s heart was strangely warmed.

C.S. Lewis: If a chicken finds itself with a desire that nothing on this side can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that it was created for the other side.

Billy Graham: The chicken was surrendering all.

Pluralist: The chicken took one of many equally valid roads.

Universalist: All chickens cross the road.

Martin Luther: The chicken was fleeing the Antichrist who stole the Gospel with his papist lies.

Tim LaHaye: The chicken didn’t want to be left behind.

James White: I reject chicken centered eisegesis.

Rob Bell: The chicken. Crossed the road. To get. Cool glasses.

Joel Osteen: The chicken crossed the road to maximize his personal fulfillment so they he could be all that God created him to be.

Rick Warren: The chicken was purpose driven.

John Piper: God decreed the event to maximize his glory, it’s not the destination that’s important. It’s the journey itself.

N.T. Wright: This act of the chicken, which would be unthinkable in British barnyards, reeks of that American individualism that is destructive to community.

Al Mohler: When a chicken begins to think theologically, he has no other alternative but to come over to the Calvinist side of the road.

Michael Horton: The chicken was forsaking the kingdom of this world to live solely in the Kingdom of Christ.

John Frame: The chicken had an existential need to change its situation according to a new norm.

T.F. Torrance: The inner logic of the incarnation proved an irresistible draw to the other side of the road.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer: He was abandoning cheap grace for the costly discipleship of risking the dangers of crossing the road.

Karl Barth: The crossing of the road, like all true theology, was done for profoundly Christological reasons. All chickens cross the road in the end.

Paul Tillich: Because he sensed that the other side of the road represented the ground of all being.

New Ager: Because he saw the light beckoning him forward.

Fundamentalist: Because his pastor told him so.

Ecumenism and the Gospel Preacher

and me.

I had declined to join the Association, since I was new, busy enough, and saw real no purpose in it. As I recall, it featured a Mormon clergyman, a female clergytype, a Roman Catholic, an Episcopalian, and a few others. Nice enough folks, I suppose, and you could argue this way and that — but I just saw no reason to join.

Nevertheless, they asked me to preach at a sunrise service, and I said “Sure.” Again, later, they asked me to preach at this service. I said “Sure!” My philosophy of preaching is this: if someone asks you, do it. If I can preach, I do it. Anywhere, anytime. I can only recall choosing to turn down one invitation, and that was both a special case and a very hard call for me.

Their plan was actually to have a preach-a-thon. Seven clergy preaching on the seven last words of Christ from the cross. One saying per preacher.

I could not have been more delighted with my assignment: John 19:30 — “When Jesus had received the sour wine, he said, ‘It is finished,’ and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.” Tetelestai — I was praising God!

So comes the night of the preachapalooza, and it’s all flowing along well enough. I mean there were no explosions, no bloodshed. In fact, I don’t remember anything about the sermons preceding mine — except for one.

The sermon was on this passage:

When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” 27 Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home. (John 19:26-27)

To whom did the assigner, in his wisdom, allot this text? To the Roman Catholic priest. (I imagine that he, in his way, was just as happy with his assignment as I was with mine.)

Now, “Father” Chester was a very nice man. We had dinner once, and enjoyed a nice talk. I had the opportunity of telling him the Gospel. It was as if he had never heard it before. In his fifties, from the Old Country, Roman Catholic priest — yet no sign that he had a clue about the Gospel.

But on this night he spoke of something clearly very dear to his heart, something he did know well, something for which he had great enthusiasm: the adoration of Mary. From this text, Chester drew the application that Mary is mother to all of us, for Jesus entrusted us to her, and her to us. As we keep a picture of our mothers in our wallets, we should keep a picture of Mary in our wallets. And, if we have needs, we should tell them to Mary. It will work now just as it did on earth: we tell Mary what we need, Mary tells Jesus what to do, and, like a good Son, He does it.

As Chester preached, two things happened:

The audience grew very quiet.

And I re-composed my sermon.

When I came to the pulpit, I had a brand-new introduction. It went something like this:

I love to hike in the Sierra. One time recently I was on a hike, by myself. I had gone four or five miles back to a beautiful lake. Circling around to the back side of the lake, I took some pictures. Up the rocky shore, I saw a spot that looked like it would be a perfect vantage point for a great picture. So I started to make my way across the rocks to this spot — when suddenly the bank gave away under my feet! The rocks tumbled and rolled, and so did I. In a flash, I found myself dunked in the lake.

I was fine, but what a terrible feeling it was. It’s a terrible feeling to trust yourself to something, to put all your weight on it, confidently, and then find that it can’t hold you. It’s a terrible feeling when your support collapses from under you. It’s a terrible feeling when the very ground gives way beneath you, and you fall.

To what shall we trust our souls? To whom? Who or what can bear our weight, the weight of our sin and guilt, of our immortal selves? If we trust our souls to any mere mortal, no matter how holy or saintly, no matter how godly — they are sinners, too, and they cannot hold us. They will collapse. Joseph cannot hold us. He would collapse. Mary cannot save us. She would give way. No mere child of Adam can hold the weight of our sin and need. All would dissolve into rubble beneath us.

Only Jesus can support us. He shows us this in His cry from the Cross: It is finished!

Know well: this is no cry of despair. Jesus does not say, “I am finished.” No, it is a cry of victory. The Greek tetelestai means that it has been brought to consummation, to perfect completion. The word was used of bills that had been “paid in full.”

When our Lord cries thus on the Cross, He is signifying that He, He Himself, He alone in His own person, had fully paid every last farthing, every penny, of His people’s debt to God. He had left nothing undone of what the Father’s plan of salvation required. Alone, unaided, hanging on the cross, under the holy wrath of God for sinners, Jesus Christ made full atonement for all the sins of His people.

And now we believe Jesus, or we do not. If we look to “Jesus-and” — to Jesus and our pastor, to Jesus and Mary, to Jesus and any other mortal or any other sect or any other practice or any other thing — then we do not believe Jesus. We do not accept His word, “It is finished.”

We must look to Jesus, to Jesus alone, for salvation. We must trust ourselves to the One who cried “It is finished!”

…and a few other thoughts. The temperature lifted a bit, and a few “Amen”s were heard.

Chester lived next door to me. A few days after the service, he waved to me. “Pray for me, the sinner!” he called out. “I do,” I answered.

But as far as I know, he stayed with Rome.

Verses Relevant to Sharing the Gospel With Mormons

mormon1Here’s a chart showing the differences between Mormonism and Christianity: http://www.mormoninfo.org/

From the archives at aomin.org and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.” (Hebrews 4:12 KJV). The ability to utilize the Word of God accurately and correctly in the witnessing situation is a great asset. When dealing with people who already have a faith structure, it is vital.

This booklet outlines 100 verses of Scripture that have proven effective in the witnessing situation with members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or, the Mormons. This listing of verses is the result of many hundreds of hours of one-on-one and sometimes one-on-twenty witnessing, ranging from people’s homes to street corners, Mormon pageants, and even the Temple in Salt Lake City during General Conference. They have been tested under fire, and, when properly used, have proven their worth.

Of course, any verse without a context is a pretext, and you will want to be thoroughly familiar with the context of each of these passages. Still, the ability to quote a verse from memory and skillfully utilize that text in debate is needful to the person who wishes to be truly equipped and prepared. Most conversations between a Christian and a Mormon will be moving far too fast for looking up verses in the concordance of a Bible, and I have found that being able to quote a verse quickly and accurately gives the Christian the advantage of keeping control of the conversation, an occurrence all too rare in most cases.

This booklet alone cannot provide you with all the information you need to be properly prepared to enter the battlefield. Study of Mormon doctrine is important, and even more important is the study of the basic Christian doctrines. Hopefully memorizing 100 verses will set you on a life-long course of Scripture memorization that will help you grow in the knowledge of God’s Word and in your relationship with Him. I openly acknowledge the great influence of one of the best missionaries to the Mormons, Wally Tope. Though not specifically involved in the production of this work, his book On the Frontlines Witnessing to Mormons provided me with my “basic training” years ago, and that influence can be seen in the Scripture selections found herein.

How Do I Memorize that Many Verses???

Different people memorize in different ways. Don’t believe the old excuse that you simply cannot memorize verses – I feel anyone is able to accomplish that task. When you think about it, you memorize a great deal of information every day. How many phone numbers do you know? How many addresses? Most of us, if we sat down and took the time to do it, could create a long list of names and phone numbers and combinations and codes and so on and so on. Hence, you are able to memorize Scripture is you really want to. That is the key – you must desire it with all your heart, and be willing to make the commitment that it takes to get the job done. Continue reading

Too Quickly or Too Slow?

While debating 2 Darwinian Biologists I asked why we don’t find lots of transitional fossils & they said it was due to Darwinian (Macro) evolution happening too fast to be caught in earth’s strata layers.

Later, I asked why we don’t see Macro change occurring today and they said it was due to such change taking place too slowly, over long ages, to be seen in the present.

I then asked, “Well, does Darwinian evolution occur too quickly to leave evidence in the fossil record or too slowly to be seen in the present?”

They looked at each other & said, “Wow, this is our religious belief!”

– Russ Miller