Someone sent me this today… I definitely did the tambourine and tie thing. 🙂
If the first time you saw your uncle’s shot-glass collection, you wondered where he got all those fancy communion cups, then you might be an evangelical.
If you’ve ever forgotten to set your clock back at the end of Daylight Savings Time and your first thought at seeing the empty church parking lot was, “Oh no, I’ve missed the Rapture,” then …
If you’ve lost track of the number of “re-s” you need to add before “re-re-rededicate your life to Christ,” then …
If your favorite painters are Thomas Kinkade and Warner Sallman, then …
If you never watched “Highway to Heaven,” not because it was too preachy, but because it aired on Wednesday nights, then …
If you knew that “Wednesday nights” in the previous joke was a reference to prayer meeting, then …
If you’ve ever tried to calculate the size of a tip in a restaurant based on how it would influence the waitress’s receptivity to the gospel tract you left with it, then …
“I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart.” If you just shouted, “Where?” then …
If your answer to the question “What Would Jesus Do?” is “He would wear a T-shirt that says, ‘WWJD?’” then …
If you’ve ever played the tambourine while wearing a tie, then …
If you’ve ever informed someone you’ve just met that they deserve to suffer in Hell for eternity, and you said this without a trace of anger, then …
If the last rock concert you went to included an altar call, then …
If you own any clothing or accessories that you regard as “a witnessing tool,” then …
If you think the phrase “a witnessing tool” refers to something that’s good to have rather than someone it’s bad to be, then …
If praying in public makes you talk like a 17th-century Quaker, then …
If two acoustic guitars and a Yamaha DX7 keyboard are your idea of a “rock band,” then …
If you think that there’s nothing supernatural about the bread and wine during communion, but that there is something supernatural about a Ouija board made by Parker Brothers, then …
If you know what burning vinyl smells like, then …
If you have strong opinions about when, precisely, Amy Grant “sold out,” then …
If a sentence beginning “Lord, we just, Lord, want to thank you Lord, for just, Lord, just …” doesn’t strike you as either atrocious grammar or a speech impediment, then …
If you think saying grace loudly is a good way to witness at The Olive Garden, then …
If you’ve ever discussed whether The Flintstones was set before or after Noah’s flood, then …
If your fantasy football team was selected based on the personal testimony of the players, then